Wisdom of the ancients?

There's something both brilliant and terrifying about standing at the threshold of something completely new.

This month, I'm heading back to university to begin a PGDip/ MSc in Integrative Counselling and Coaching. It's been 30 years since I was last at Uni and I wouldn’t be being entirely honest if I told you I was totally fine about it.

I’m almost 50. I’ve built careers, raised a family and dealt with some life challenges along the way. You might think that decades of experience and years of training should have taught me how to approach new challenges with confidence. Yet here I am, feeling a bit like I did on my first day of high school. I’m nervous, excited, curious, and a little bit wobbly around the edges.

There's often an expectation as we get older, that we should have built up enough wisdom through the years for us to coast our way through life’s uncertainties. To take life in our strides and push through uncertainty with confidence and bravery. If that’s you, that’s great.

For some of us, however, the older we get, the more we fear change and uncertainty. We might feel that there's more at stake when change is afoot. More at risk, more to lose. We can lose sight of what’s to be gained as fear takes over.

Since I found out I’d got a place on the course, I’ve had cause to remind myself that I’ve lived through multiple shifts and unexpected transitions over the years. I’ve been acknowledging that life has given me the invaluable knowledge that I can handle whatever comes next, even when I can't see the shape of it yet.

We’ve all survived uncertainty before. We’ve started new jobs without knowing if we’d be any good at them. We’ve moved house, changed relationships, faced health challenges, dealt with losses. Each time, we’ve discovered resources within ourselves we didn't know we had.

I’ve come to recognise that while I don’t know how this will unfold, I can trust that whatever happens, I will make it right. This awareness has been hugely helpful in enabling me to keep moving forwards.

New beginnings are challenging but let's recognise that our capacity to adapt, learn, and grow doesn’t necessarily diminish with age. Our capacity can also be strengthened by experience.

The gift of not knowing

Many of the people I work with feel completely stuck. They’re often people who are desperate to control how their future will look. They want guarantees, clear pathways and to know how things will work out.

This is completely understandable. Our minds work hard to keep us far away from risk and uncertainty. After all, our ability of work out if a choice is a good one has been a matter of life or death for hundreds of thousands of years.

In coaching, I support people to make greater peace with the universal truth that we can’t always know how things will turn out (and that this uncertainty is totally survivable).

Once we do this, people are more able to make meaningful progress towards their values and their goals, even though they’re not sure what the outcome will be.

This doesn't mean I encourage people to become passive or unprepared. As part of my journey back to Uni, I've certainly been active in gathering information, planning schedules and sorting out all kinds of practical arrangements. It’s been helpful to know that I've dealt with everything within my control, and also to learn how to sit with the reality that there is a much ahead of me that I can’t control.

Travelling in a valued direction

There are many unknowns ahead of me, but what I do know is that right now, today, I’m embarking on what feels like the next right step.

This isn’t because I can see the whole clear road ahead of me. I know that this is the next right step because committing to studying lines up with my values around growth, connection, and becoming more skilled at being by people's sides as they navigate their lives.

I’ve been reminded that when we make choices based on what matters to us the most, we can move forward even when the path ahead is unclear. I'm guided by an inner compass that points towards meaning rather than certainty.

Recognising what's with me

As I move into this new chapter, I'm trying to make room for all of the thoughts and feelings I'm having. It's confusing at times when I recognise that there’s excitement and anxiety, confidence and doubt. That said, I also know that I feel clear about how my values are aligned with my decision and this gives me comfort, even though I’m uncertain about how it’s going to work out.

Rather than trying to resolve these contradictions, or judging one as 'right' and one as 'wrong', I'm letting these contradictory feelings sit side by side.

We can be certain about what matters to us and uncertain about how it will all unfold. We can feel ready and unready at the same time. We can step forward with commitment while acknowledging that we might stumble along the way.

An invitation to reflect

If you're contemplating your own new beginning, you might be asking yourself the questions “Am I ready? Am I making the right choice?"

If you’re not getting clear answers, you might like to ask yourself:

Does this choice align with what I care about most deeply?

Can I take the next small step, even without seeing the whole path?

Am I willing to be curious and discover what I’m capable of, rather than limiting myself to what I already know?

Moving forward together

Even though I don't know how this decision will work out, I predict there’ll be challenges, discoveries, painful doubt and wonderful breakthroughs ahead of me. I’ll hope to share some of them with you, not because I’ll have it all worked out, but precisely because I don't.

We're all, in our own ways, stepping into the unknown when we decide to work on ourselves.

We’re choosing to grow rather than stay safe or stuck, hoping that the person we become is worth the discomfort of not quite knowing how we'll get there.

So here's to new beginnings at every stage of life, and to the quiet courage it takes to say yes when we can't see the ending.

Ready to make a change?

If you're interested in exploring how coaching can help you to move forwards in the presence of the unknown, I warmly invite you to book a free 30-minute introductory coaching session. You can click here to book an appointment.