Neither here nor there

You might have noticed that life doesn’t necessarily unfold in neat, predictable chapters. Often, we find ourselves in an uncomfortable place between what has been in the past and what might be in the future. In psychology, this space is known as "liminal" from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold.

Understanding liminal spaces

Liminal spaces are neither here nor there. They're transitional zones in our emotional and psychological landscape during periods of change, uncertainty, or waiting. They’re those times when our usual sense of who we are, our purpose, or our life direction is suspended.

You might recognise this feeling if you've ever experienced redundancy, waited for exam results, or contemplated ending a relationship. There are lots of times in life when our future paths are uncertain.

Liminal spaces often coincide with significant life transitions. The perimenopausal years may bring physical and emotional changes that feel destabilising. Children leaving home can trigger questions about identity beyond parenthood. Career changes in later years may feel riskier than they would have in your twenties.

Society suggests that we must have it “all worked out” by a certain age and this can add additional pressure during transitional periods. The reality is that growth, change, and uncertainty are natural throughout life. They’re not signs of failure or inadequacy.

Liminal spaces bring with them ambiguity, disorientation, and often a deep sense of feeling "stuck." The structures and roles that once defined who we are may no longer fit, but new ones haven't yet emerged. It's like standing in a doorway when you've left one room but haven't fully entered the next.

Why is waiting so difficult?

Our minds are skilful planners, predictors and controllers of our environment. When we're forced to wait for something, particularly if the outcome is beyond our control, this natural tendency to “know” becomes a source of distress rather than comfort. Uncertainty can trigger:

Hypervigilance and rumination Our minds start to scan and search for signs, answers, or control. We may find ourselves checking emails obsessively, researching endlessly, or replaying scenarios that haven't happened yet.

Confusion about our identity When our usual roles or circumstances are in a state of change, we may struggle with fundamental questions about who we are. Someone awaiting redundancy outcomes might wonder, "If I'm not in this job, then who am I?" A parent whose child is about to leave home might ask “If I’m not needed by my child anymore, what will I do with my life?”

Grief for the unknown We often underestimate how much we grieve not just for what we've lost, but for the future we imagined that may no longer be possible. If we’re waiting for medical results we might ruminate on what might be lost if our health has changed. If we decide to move to a new city, we might be fearful about whether we’ll find a sense of community again.

Physical and emotional exhaustion

The constant state of alertness and emotional processing during times of change can be exhausting. This can show up as sleep difficulties, anxiety, or a persistent sense of being overwhelmed.

How can we manage being in the “in between”?

Rather than fighting against uncertainty or trying to force clarity, it is possible to develop a different relationship with these challenging experiences.

Radical acceptance

Finding acceptance about what’s happening doesn't mean being passive and resigned to whatever is going on, or pretending that everything is ok. Instead, you can acknowledge reality as it is, including the discomfort you have with not knowing.

When you notice that you’re fighting against uncertainty, try asking yourself:

"What would it be like if I didn't need to have this all worked out right now? What if not knowing was ok?"

Connecting with what matters to you

When life feels chaotic or without direction, the things you want to stand for in life can become your internal compass. Personal values like connection, creativity, authenticity, and compassion remain constant regardless of your job title, relationship status, or where you live. You might like to ask yourself:

"Even though I don't know what's coming next, how can I honour what matters most to me today? What choices could I make that help me live like the kind of person I want to be right now, in this situation?”

Anchoring in the here and now

Being in liminal spaces often pulls our thoughts into the past (what’s happened) or the future (what we're waiting for). Mindfulness can help us anchor ourselves in the present moment, where life is actually happening right now.

Simple mindfulness practices (like noticing five things you can see, or feeling your feet on the ground) can interrupt the cycle of anxious thinking about the future. Try apps like Insight Timer or YouTube for grounding meditations you can do anytime you notice you’re getting lost in rumination.

Noticing unhelpful thoughts

When we feel like we’re in a state of limbo, our minds often tell us catastrophic stories about what might happen ("I'll never find another job," "I can't cope with this uncertainty," or "Everyone else is doing better than me.") It can be helpful to recognise these statements as thoughts rather than facts, and create some space between yourself and your mental chatter.

How coaching can help

With support, you can more fully recognise that being in liminal spaces is a natural part of the human experience. This can greatly reduce the feeling that something is wrong with you or your life. Change is hard and it’s understandable that you’re struggling with feeling in limbo.

Coaching can also help you feel more able to sit with uncertainty without immediately rushing to fix, change, or escape the discomfort you feel. Taking a step back from trying to problem-solve can help you see the bigger picture and give yourself more kindness while you wait. It can also help you develop the ability to adapt and respond creatively to changing circumstances.

Transition periods sometimes show us that it's time to reassess what truly matters to us, potentially leading to more authentic life choices. Coaching can help you identify what you truly care about and open up possibilities for change that you hadn’t previously considered. You can also create meaningful values-based actions to take, even when you can't control the outcome you're waiting for.

And lastly, being in liminal spaces sometimes involves mourning. You might be mourning for the life you thought you'd have, the person you used to be, or the certainty you once felt. This grief deserves some acknowledgement and support, and coaching can be a great place to find it.

Ready to make a change?

If you're currently in your own threshold space, you don't have to be there alone. I'm here to help. You can reach out for support to help you move through the unknown.

I warmly invite you to book a free 30-minute introductory call. You can click here to book an appointment.