Why change feels so hard (and what you can do about it)
Have you ever wondered why making changes in your life - even ones you desperately want - can feel like trying to push a boulder uphill?
You're not alone. According to a study published in the British Journal of General Practice, when doctors advise patients to make important lifestyle changes, only about 60% of these recommendations are ever acted upon, and far fewer result in lasting change.
So why do we struggle when it comes to change? The answer may lie in understanding ourselves better.
The biology of change
Our relationship with change is deeply rooted in our biology. Our brains are amazing organs that use roughly 20% of our body's energy while making up only 2% of our body mass.
Our brain's high energy use means it's constantly trying to be efficient - and efficiency often means sticking to what we know rather than experimenting with new ways of doing things.
When we start to make changes, our brains need to create new neural pathways instead of using the efficient, well-worn paths already in place. It's like making a new trail through a dense forest instead of taking an existing route. This re-routing uses a lot more energy and therefore feels much more challenging.
Our brains are incredible survival machines, wired to keep us safe and comfortable. When we try to change, our minds often flood us with doubts, worries, and reasons to stick to the familiar path. It's not that we're weak or lacking willpower - we're actually experiencing our minds doing exactly what they evolved to do: protect us from uncertainty and help us stay safe.
Interestingly, though we may resist it, we're also wired for adaptation and change. Our brains have an incredible ability to form new connections and learn new patterns throughout our lives. This ability to adapt helped our ancestors' to survive as they faced changing environments and new challenges. It's why we can learn new languages, master new skills, and adapt to major life changes when necessary.
We're capable of making big changes when circumstances require it. We're also designed to resist making unnecessary changes that might waste energy or expose us to risk. Understanding this biological balancing act can help us work with our brains rather than against them.
What can we do about it?
Many factors influence the ease with which we make changes. Here are some tips for working with our biology to make changes that last:
Start tiny
When we start with small changes, we're asking your brain to use less energy as it creates new neural pathways.
For example, if you want to exercise more, start with just a few minutes of daily movement. Micro-habits are less likely to trigger your brain's energy conservation alarms, allowing you to build more change over time.
Be curious, not critical
When you notice resistance to change, remember that resistance is your brain doing its job. It's trying to be efficient and keep you safe.
See if you can observe these thoughts with interest and kindness rather than judgment. What stories is your mind telling you about change? What feelings come up when you consider doing things differently?
Taking a moment to notice what's going on in your mind in times of change can help you be more compassionate towards yourself. Moving forwards with curiosity instead of criticism can make change easier and less stressful.
Work with your inner reward system
Dopamine is a 'feelgood' chemical messenger that our brains release when we achieve goals or do things we enjoy.
We also release dopamine when we anticipate rewards. When making changes, try setting up small, achievable milestones and then celebrate them. Rewarding ourselves creates a positive feedback loop and makes change more appealing to your brain's natural chemistry.
Create environmental triggers
Our brains are always trying to be efficient so make the changes you want easier than the old habits you don't.
For example, if you want to read before you go to bed, leave a book on your pillow. Trying to eat less sugar? Keep fruit close to hand or more visible in your kitchen. When the new behaviour requires less energy than the old one, change becomes more natural.
Remember what matters to you
When change feels challenging, think about why it matters to you.
Ask yourself: What kind of person do I want to be in this situation? What do I want my life to stand for? Is this change in service of who and how I want to be in the world?
Drawing on meaningful internal motivation can help overcome your brain's natural resistance to change.
It's ok to make mistakes
Remember that feeling resistance to change is a necessary survival feature, not a malfunction. Having setbacks doesn't mean you've failed - it means you're human. Change is hard!
People who approach change with self-compassion are actually more likely to achieve their goals than those who are hard on themselves. Give yourself credit for trying and try again. It takes time to rewire those pathways in the brain.
Ready to make a change?
Understanding the biology of change can be liberating. It can help us understand that resistance to change isn't a personal failing - it's a natural part of being human. It also shows us that with understanding, we can work with our brain's natural tendencies to create lasting change.
Remember, change doesn't have to be dramatic to be worthwhile. Small steps, taken consistently, can lead to big transformations.
If you're feeling stuck and would like support in making meaningful changes in your life, I'm here to help.
I warmly invite you to book a free 30-minute introductory call. You can click here to book an appointment.
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